if i might be so bold as to make a suggestion, it would be to never search for jobs in the morning. those two things just shouldn’t be put together. ever. it’s just depressing and will probably make your day a downward spiral of stress and dispare.
so i may be a bit dramatic, but really, it’s scary. i’m 6 months away from being home in america. 6 months to figure out what the heck i’m going to do next. and 6 months to have more interspersed job hunting meltdowns (just hopefully not in the morning).
i know what i want to do down the road, though it’s always subject to change i suppose. if all my stars align i picture myself owning a small house with a small garden somewhere in mountainous green lands of western america. i’d own my own stationery/calligraphy/doodle company and sell homemade soaps and jams on the side. all this would be after my stereotypical hiatus to paris where i become a writer and marry a french man named ‘jean-pierre louis’. in my later retiree years i’ll probably just have a long grey braid and sell my hand-woven wolf themed rugs at native american craft fairs.
okay, so not all of this is true. but i know where i want to go for the most part. i just…don’t know how to get there. or rather what i should do in the mean time (ie what i can do to not be poor). i don’t reeeeeally want a design job in an office with a cubical. especially when everyone wants web design and i’m all about the paper.
before i left for peace corps, actually before i even decided if i would officially go or not, i had a job i enjoyed with a company i was passionate about and was making advancements. it wasn’t easy to walk away from what every college post-grad hopes will be their big break. or at least a break. but i decided that, while ukraine was not my first choice (or even a choice at all), the opportunity i would receive from peace corps isn’t something that should be passed up.
and almost 20 months of service later, i still feel that way, despite the severe ups and downs i’ve encountered. i really have no idea what’s next. i guess step number one would be to finish my service and leave ukraine. i can start there. or i could always live in the house my 6th graders say they’d build me at school so i could stay in ukraine forever. pretty tempting offer!! NOT. if i remember correctly i think i laughed a little too heartily when they told me this.
with the group of volunteers who came here before us gone/going, my group is now the senior group of this post-soviet paradise, and also the next to leave. (AHHHH!) i guess we’ll just have to see what’s next. thinking about the future here is sometimes ‘poop your pants’ scary but it’s also thrilling to have such possibilities…even if the prospects look rather gloomy in the early hours of morning.