welp…that’s that. my high school and freshman year of college crush, george, got married today. theeeere goes back-up plan number 2. every girl back-up plan. my first back-up ‘front-stoop-first-kiss’ dominic tied the knot a few years ago and now george. this…this…this isn’t how it’s supposed to work! george was never supposed to get married. at least not to someone else.
george was to always be there, so when we’re in our 50s, when i’m a do-yoga-with-my-cats cat lady and he’s a grey haired man that spends his time building bird houses, and neither of us are married so we just make a nice agreement to marry each other. everyone would win! we’d laugh at each other’s jokes into old age and over our daily visits to our favorite cafe wonder why we didn’t get together sooner. it was to go something like this.
but george had to find some lovely lady, get married, and screw it all up. george and i were meant to be together. i knew this from a childhood of stuffed animals i affectionately named ‘george’, the few words we spoke to each other every church youth group winter retreat, and that one time we played on the same sides of an all-campus snowball fight. our love was shy, but it was to blossom over time like every good romance does in the movies.
so while geogre was busy getting married to an undoubtably beautiful woman named kate, i found myself crouched on the floor, hair in my eyes, like a cat about to pounce on its prey, making a vain attempt to catch my mousey invaders. it wasn’t all in vain because i actually caught one…with my hands! that sounds gross, but really i had slipped a sock on my hand with my teeth (probably even more gross since it was dirty) as i kept the mouse pinned with my slipper and then grabbed it with my sock-hand and threw it outside.
this is what my life has become. i’m now the daughter of steve irwin. i’m sure kate doesn’t have to do this. kate also probably showers more than 3 times a week (maybe i shouldn’t admit to that?), and washes her clothes with a machine. lucky kate. no wonder why you were george’s first pick.
i don’t have a back-up plan number 3…i’d really only thought as far as one and two. alas, here i am in need of a back-up to my back-ups. in the meantime i suppose i’ll spend the rest of my time applying to grad schools and channeling my inner cat trying to catch mice. because we all know that’s how real ladies choose to spend their evenings.