january twenty-ninth or “how is it not even february?”

welp, i decided it was a good idea to drink 4 jars of my favorite oolong after dinner — jars because i’m clearly too hipster to use cups and favorite oolong being a formosa bai hao sent from home. drinking all of that tea close to my early bed time of 9:30 was maybe not the best idea…even though i thought it was an oolong kind of day (in terms of matching the number of same-leaves-steeps with the amount of work i had to do…okay, that was a little tea geeky, sorry).

i spent most of the day downing tea, editing writing samples, and figuring out just HOW to get my art portfolio pdf any smaller. it’s a doozie of a file. i think i saved and re-saved and opened and re-opened all the files at least 100billion times, had 296 files open at once, and when all was said and done it looked like my computer threw up on my desktop. ahhhhhh, it felt like the good ol’ days of design school.

anyways, i think my brain is kind of fried from all that. not to mention my circuit board…if…if that’s even the right terminology…BUT it’s finished. all my material for grad applications is sent in. wooooooooo! now i have to wait. oh, and fill out that FAFSA form. you know the one where i basically put “zero” for every monetary value because i’m not making any money. LOL. hilarious.

i don’t think i’m very good at waiting for certain kinds of ‘life path changing’ results like this, soooo this will be challenging. honestly, i think i would feel better about the graduate school admissions process if the results were:

a.) instantaneous
b.) given to me by heidi klum’s “project runway” voice

i can just picture heidi telling me ‘you arrrre in. congratulationnns’ or maybe even, ‘you are aout’ which would hurt of course, but her accent, her endearing kiss on the cheek and sweetly sung ‘auf wiederseheeeeen’ would probably make me even forget i was regretted. yes, i think that would be a much better system.

but with no heidi klum or instant-reply admissions process, i’m left to wait. wait during the slowest, most boring, part of the year — february.

i don’t know how i was getting so ahead of myself (maybe it has a little something to do with me going home soon), but i thought for sure that it was already almost spring. somehow i skipped over the entire month of february. clearly, running outside in the cold has made me delusional. or maybe i just blocked that whole month out. why, you aks? oh, maybe because last february it was the coldest it’s been in 7 years and the black sea FROZE OVER. the sea froze. over. yea. i’m terrified already.

this whole training for a marathon through winter thing is much much much much more difficult than i ever foolishly thought. i think it would have mostly been a factor of determination, and it certainly is, but there’s a lot of logistics i just didn’t think about. before my 10 mile run on sunday i was stressing about how it all would work — would i run at the ‘track’ at school? is it too snowy? should i walk there in boots and a coat and change? where can i change? will i be too cold? too warm? … the list goes on.

in the end i decided to run to the school in my cold gear, run my 40ish laps, then catch a bus if i needed to that would drop me off near my house. maybe warm up at the near by store if i needed. yea. good plan! it was sort of a good plan but it didn’t work out that way at all and as usual, ukraine reminded me that you don’t mess around with the cold.

it was around 30*F that day but the winds were strong and cold at 18*F. an hour into my run and i couldn’t feel my gloved-hands, my sleeved-arms were wind-chapped,  my shoes were wet from the snow, and i was miserable. but i kept going. i was determined to finish my run. and i did! i hadn’t run 10 miles for about 2 years so it was a good feeling…even if i couldn’t feel my body parts.

the time on my watch told me that i just missed the village bus. shit. so i walked to the store to maybe warm up and wait 30 minutes for the next one. this store is never closed during the day, but of course it just happend to be closed then. double shit. i was cold, real cold, and i knew i needed to warm up but i couldn’t stop moving. as i walked to the bus stop, turns out that the bus was late and  i saw the bus come and go right passed me. triple shit.

all i could think (whine) to myself as i balled my hands in my running wind-breaker was ‘I JUST WANT A CAAAAAAAAR AND DRIVE TO A GYMMMMMMM’ and ‘you’re a real idiot for not planning to run back home in the first place, kristen’. despite these thoughts, nothing changed the fact that i was a 30 minute walk from home. so without any other choice, i walked.

i was worried to run any further and risk injury, so i briskly walked, which i’m sure made me look even weirder than i already do running to the people in my village. as the cold wind blew, my snot dripped all over, i walked spandex-ed and spiked shoed down the street looking like a mixture of an 80s workout back-up dancer/prison escapee/ninja with sex hair. so really, i’m beginning to think the message i’m really sending to ukrainians is not ‘look, you can run for fun!’ but more so ‘hide yo kids hide yo wife’.

after thawing off wrapped around my portable heater i later talked with my mom and mentioned that ‘i can’t wait for warmer weather!’. to which she replied ‘…isn’t it only january…?’. wait…it is…NOOOOOOOOOO! i had a little mini-panic attack realizing the weight of the fact that there are other even longer runs i’ll have to do ahead of me in the worst month of them all.

can’t i just skip over it?? can’t i just stay inside and over drink some oolong?? can’t i just fast forward to march when i’ll have an answer about my ‘in’ or ‘aout’ of graduate school and my parents come to visit??

nope. ukraine says nope.

i guess this means ‘auf wiederseheeeeen toes!’ and time to go back to the drawing board of ‘how to better handle my long winter runs for february’.


i would be scared of myself

after my run — aka 80s workout back-up dancer/prison escapee/ninja with sex hair


4 thoughts on “january twenty-ninth or “how is it not even february?”

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